Dear Heavenly Father, we pray that thou might calm the dog…

My mom told me this story over the phone a few weeks ago and I sat with a HUGE grin on my face while I listened.  It’s terrible to poke fun at, but I absolutely can’t help myself…

My mom has been working on a few quilts lately, and she was very excited to have her visiting teaching companion over one afternoon to help her with a particularly tricky one.   My mom has so many amazing Mormon talents, like making quilts, being constantly pregnant, eating her feelings and hiding her clinical depression.  I have inherited many of these traits from her, minus the quilting and the baby making.

Anyway, everything was ready to go, but when her companion arrived at the house my mom’s teeny tiny Chihuahua went ballistic.  Like, bat shit crazy.  For whatever reason, my mom absolutely couldn’t get control of the dog.   Mom’s tiny, two pound dog was determined to commit murder upon  her visiting teaching companion, and so mom was forced to put the dog in a crate in the study.   This was futile, however, because the dog wouldn’t stop- it barked and whined and (in my mom’s words) “screamed” for twenty minutes straight.  At a certain point, my mom’s visiting teacher turned to her and said  “I’m so sorry, but I just can’t take this.  I think I need to go home.”

Mom was horrified.

At this point, the only thing my mom could think of was to let the dog out of the crate and see if it would calm down.  She went into the study to get the dog, and as she carried it back out into the living she was… overcome.  Wait for it.  Mom was overcome with the SPIRIT.   And the SPIRIT told her to say a prayer.   (I have to take a moment here to note that at this point in the story, as my mom told it to me, I was also overcome.  I was overcome with the GIGGLES. I’m an asshole, I know.)

And so she and her companion prayed that the dog would calm down, and lo and behold, it did!  My mom said that as soon as the prayer was over her dog jumped up on her companions lap and went to sleep.   I can’t help but wonder what was said in the prayer.  Mom didn’t get into specifics, but I have to imagine it went something like this:

“Dear Heavenly Father, we thank thee for this day, and for all the wonderful blessings thou hast given us.  Heavenly Father, we pray that you will find it in your power to calm Nacho of her aggression and fill her with the love that we feel for her.  Please cleanse her of her rage and help her to stop attacking guests and also to stop going potty inside.  Heavenly Father, we humbly ask thee to bless the herb tea and snackwells, that they may nourish and strengthen our bodies.  And please watch over Sister Visiting Teacher when she eventually journey’s home, we pray that she will make it home safely, with little traffic or mechanical difficulty.  We are thankful to thee, Heavenly Father, for all that thou hast given us and we say these things inthenameo’jesuschristamen. ”

Amen, indeed.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 12th, 2011 at 7:43 pm and is filed under Random Musings.

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  1. January 12th, 2011 | Carla says:

    I literally LOL’d. This is pretty sweet. But don’t feel like too much of an asshole; I’d have done the same.

  2. January 12th, 2011 | Secret Underpants says:

    Thanks Carla! So good to hear there are others out there who laugh at this too.. I now only feel a slight assholishness. :)

  3. January 12th, 2011 | randomfartings says:

    If my mom came out with stories this funny I might call her more often! I scared my dogs I was laughing so hard.

  4. January 20th, 2011 | becky says:

    Haha! I’ve missed you sister secret! Either I’ve missed your blogs or you haven’t been writing as much. I’ll have to check into it. ;-)

  5. January 24th, 2011 | Cognitive Dissenter says:

    Oh my, that prayer brought back some memories. This post is hilarious!

  6. January 25th, 2011 | Nancy Oaks says:

    A dog that drives away visiting teachers? That’s a priceless commodity! Your mom should stop complaining and start counting her blessings.

  7. February 17th, 2011 | Left the Cave says:

    Thanks for the laugh (or the giggles). It brought back memories of things I prayed for that I really should NOT have been praying for… even now I think… wow… did I really justify putting THAT in a prayer? ugh… it’s embarrassing even now… :)

  8. February 17th, 2011 | Secret Underpants says:

    Oh, I’m right there with you… I used to pray wholeheartedly for a canopy bed and a Micky Mouse phone for YEARS.

  9. September 8th, 2011 | B Woods says:

    Ok I know this was posted a while back but today I searched Google for “Dear Heavenly Father” and your post came up. I laughed so much my lil 12lb terrior mix started to bark at me! :) Thank you so much for bringing a smile to my face today. As for the a**wholeness…. Nah never fear, we have all had our moments with Moms… :)

  10. January 5th, 2012 | Kirsten says:

    Classic. Wonders truly never cease to amaze! *giggles*

    I enjoy your writing :)

  11. June 19th, 2012 | Amy says:

    OMG I just stumbled across your blog and it is AMAZING! Thanks for the laughs!!

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