No Can Do…

I’m going home for Thanksgiving and I am SO.NOT.HAPPY.ABOUT.IT.

It’s not that I don’t love my family, because I do.  But going home means that for the next week I will be adhering to a long list of NO’s and it drives me crazy.

Let me share.  Here’s what my Thanksgiving week looks like:

1. NO Drinking of my beloved coffee as I putter around in the morning

2. NO Swearing

3. NO Turning into the Incredible Hulk at the mere mention of Sarah Palin’s name, her TV show or her Presidential future.

4. NO Reading Eliza Snitch or Koda or any of my other exmo fav’s online while I drink coffee

5. NO Vomiting at the plethora of Joseph Smith paintings, framed Proclamation of the Family posters or other “CHURCH” collectibles.

6. NO  drinking wine with dinner if the mood strikes

7. NO bedroom fun with my beloved

8. NO Rolling of the eyes, laughing or vomiting during prayers before eating, prayers before sleeping, prayers before traveling or during prayers that whomever just left the room will return safely.

9. NO viewing of any rated R movies that come out at Thanksgiving, or any good ones that have just come out on DVD

10.  NO exercising my free agency not to be Mormon anymore.

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This entry was posted on Friday, November 19th, 2010 at 12:46 am and is filed under Random Musings.

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  1. November 19th, 2010 | Molly says:

    Oh you poor thing! I will not be spending Thanksgiving with relatives. If it helps any, I would be stuck with that same list if I were to be around Mormon family for the holiday, as I was last year.

  2. November 19th, 2010 | Urban Koda says:

    Thanks for the shout out! To be mentioned alongside Eliza is quite the compliment.

    If you happen to be heading Utah way though… Look me up – perhaps you’ll need to spend an hour or two catching up with some ‘old friends’

    Coffee, R-Rated Movies and as long as you try and tone it down a little around my kids, you can #@* and $*@& and *#&$* to your hearts content!

  3. November 19th, 2010 | Secret Underpants says:

    @Molly- oh, how I envy you. So much… How I long for a grown up Thanksgiving with WINE! Just one glass! :)

  4. November 19th, 2010 | Secret Underpants says:

    @Koda, if I thought my mom would let me out of her sight for more than five minutes I would absolutely look you up. And I would even watch my language around your kids!

  5. November 19th, 2010 | Reason says:

    Just curious, could you go out for a coffee in the morning by yourself?

  6. November 19th, 2010 | Secret Underpants says:

    @Reason- that is exactly what I do. But when I’m home I drink coffee all morning, slowly and with great joy. When I’m at the folks I drink it fast and shifty outside the gas station like a homeless person. Just not the same, you know? :)

  7. November 19th, 2010 | Carla says:

    Bring a framed picture of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to keep by your bedside.

  8. November 19th, 2010 | Becky says:

    “Fast and shifty outside the gas station like a homeless person.” Awesome. I am hoping to avoid a family Thanksgiving. I mean it is physically painful to sit and listen to my one sister’s socially retarded, super sheltered, uber mormon kids. I don’t really have any problem arguing religion with my dad though. He says “Joseph Smith and Brigham Young were so great” and I say “Joseph Smith and Brigham Young were psychos” and that pretty much ends the religion conversation right there…

  9. November 20th, 2010 | Eliza R. Snitch says:

    My immediate family is fine, but at my last Thanksgiving with the extended Mormon family, my great-uncle asked if I was a lesbian at the dinner table in front of everybody. You know, because if you’re unmarried at the ripe old age of 22, you’re obviously a lesbian.

    Call me crazy, but I don’t enjoy having my sexual orientation called into question at the Thanksgiving dinner table. However, if I were a lesbian, that would have been a fantastic way to come out of the closet. “Yes actually, I am. Will you please pass the cranberry sauce?”

  10. November 20th, 2010 | Eliza R. Snitch says:

    P.S. I’ll think of you and send Thanksgiving wishes for a painless-as-possible holiday!