The F word

This post is not about farts.  I want to be clear about that.  This post is about the WORD Fart, and how I was not allowed to say it.  Saying “fart” in my house was just as bad as saying “damn” or “oh my god”.  If there were ever an instance to use the word, I was to replace “fart’ with “toot”.  How stupid is the word TOOT?!  Are you kidding me?  Growing up Mormon meant that there was an entire universe of things I couldn’t say, drink, wear, see, hear or touch.  We’ll get to all that stuff later, but for now, let’s talk about the F word.

When I started kindergarten, I LOVED the freedom I had on the playground to say whatever I wanted.  I remember quietly saying bad words under my breath during recess- it was such a rush to say “oh my god!” over and over again and not get smacked for it.  In first grade, when I started spelling and writing I would try to sound out curse words and write them as lightly as I could and then erase the incriminating word immediately.

And then I found poetry.

I was a poet in first grade and I couldn’t get enough.  I would find a way to make words rhyme and torture my family and teachers constantly with spontaneous poetry readings.  Only wearing a beret and smoking cigarettes while reciting my poems could have made me more annoying.  And then it all fell apart.  I used the F word in a poem.

Prepare yourself for this bit of six year old brilliance:

Mormon Hearts

Don’t fart

No matter what

It stays in the butt

I knew this poem would get me in trouble, but I loved it.  I must have held on to it, because somehow it wound up in my backpack and my mom pulled it out and read it along with all my other homework.  So.extremely.busted.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, May 27th, 2010 at 1:02 am and is filed under Random Musings.


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  1. May 27th, 2010 | Becky says:

    Hahaha! I wasn’t allowed to say fart either. My mom always said “gassed” instead of “farted.” lol. My sister’s weird and sheltered kids say “boofed”. I think it’s way worse than “tooted.”

  2. June 7th, 2010 | Mindy says:

    Oh my God….that was hilarious…I thought my parents were strict…that’s great that you wrote that…I bet your parents were secretly laughing…or maybe they just prayed for your soul…