So, the other day I read this incredible news article about how some cleric in Iran is claiming that promiscuous women cause earthquakes. I was all, haha, that’s HILARIOUS and then I was all, uh oh… Shit.
I think I need to apologize to Iran for all the earthquakes.
It’s ridiculous of me to feel guilty, I know. But no matter how much older and smarter I get I will always have that fear in me. That fear that we are in the last days, that I’m a bad Saturday’s Warrior and that I will surely perish due to the lack of grain in my food storage. (To be honest, aside from a few Luna bars, a bag of marshmallows and a can of Ensure I have zero emergency food supplies.) But seriously, why am I even thinking about this stuff? I don’t BELIEVE anymore…
It’s the fear I was instilled with over 18 years in the church. And the guilt. Oy! The guilt! Some things stay with you and won’t let go, no matter how much booze you drink to try to forget.
So listen. Iran, I apologize. Trust me, you can stop blaming your Iranian women- they had nothing to do with it. I knew I shouldn’t have made out with that missionary, or had that three way or slept with that guy(s) on the first date but I had NO IDEA it was going to cause earthquakes. Seriously! I’m sorry.
Are we good now?